"Comical Ali"

AKA: The Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Quotes from Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf:

• As for the mercenaries who advanced to the perimeters of Saddam International Airport, I would like to remind you of something. I will mention something that will make the picture clear for you and help you to understand what took place at Saddam International Airport. Most of you probably saw the American movie "Wag the Dog". I hope you remember it. Some of their acts that took place at dawn yesterday and today are similar to what happened in "Wag the Dog". If we succeed in keeping them isolated on that island, and we are determined to do so, we might let them taste a second mini Dien Bien Phu tonight. The European journalists remember it well. Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly. They are completely surrounded now.
• I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!
• I can assure you that those villains [American's and British] will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place.
• Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and British mercenaries the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into a quagmire and they will never get out of it.
• It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait.
• Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role.
• My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all.
• Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us.
• Our initial assessment is that they will all die.
• Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.
• The Cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days, we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target.
• The fact is that as soon as they reach Baghdad gates, we will besiege them and slaughter them. Until now they have refused to do battle with us. They are just going places. One can describe them as a boa: when it feels threatened, it runs to somewhere else.
• Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected.
• There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!
• These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad. From what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where we have surrounded the Americans and British.
• They are sick in their minds. They say they brought 65 tanks into center of city. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind.
• They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party yesterday, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. we had not anticipated this.
• They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion... they are trying to sell to the others an illusion.
• Today, the tide has turned, we are destroying them.
• Today we slaughtered them in the airport. They are out of Saddam International Airport. The force that was in the airport, this force was destroyed.
• We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked.
• We have crushed the whole force which dared to venture there [the airport]. Now they're outside the wall and the heroic Republican Guard is now in control of the whole area. So where are those villainous louts, those mercenaries?
• We made them drink poison last night and Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.
• We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted.
• What they say about a breakthrough [in Najaf] is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places... they are trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them.
• You can go and visit those places. Nothing there, nothing at all. There are Iraqi checkpoints. Everything is okay.